Manchester is set to become the host city of this years’ Hunger Games: our honourable and great Supreme Leader Marshal of the Union, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, yesterday announced that no-one is allowed in or out of our City, and expressed excitement that his decision to deliberately under-fund the City will almost certainly lead to mass unemployment, hunger, homelessness, and death.
But that’s not all – as well as spreading desperation amongst the ordinary people of the city, our Glorious and Most Honourable Leader is also doing ‘everything he can’ to trample on and destroy local businesses: many will be forcibly closed, whilst others will simply wither and die. The Capitol will enjoy watching how things turn out whilst they get fatter and richer this winter.
After the thrilling ‘razing and burning’ of the travel industry during the summer season, this term the premier focus is on destroying the ‘local hospitality’ sector, and our Supreme Leader has made some fantastic tweaks to the rules of the game: instead of following the science and listening to the experts, from hereon he is going to personally choose which businesses to shut down, starting, this week, with any businesses deemed to be offering any form of ‘fun’, (bars, clubs, play centres, leisure centres). Restaurants are allowed to continue trading for now, but we’re expecting a plot twist in two to four weeks’ time.
It had proven difficult for the games-makers to make people even more unhappy, but there's also strict new rules on meeting up with anyone from outside their 'household' group, anywhere, and we can expect friendships to be tested when it's cold, wet and dark and you're only allowed to meet a friend outdoors.
It’s rumoured that detailed plans for next season are already underway, with big hopes for further devastation of what is left of the economy: we can expect fireworks as the borders to civilised Europe are closed, supplies of fresh food are stymied, unemployment skyrockets, and more people, families and companies go to the wall. We can’t wait. :/
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